Thursday, October 30, 2008

Quite funny

Bob and his girlfriend Alice were having dinner with Charlie and his girlfriend Dora. They were having great fun and conversation and started feeling amorous toward each other, so they traveled to the nearest hotel with the intention of getting some action. Then Bob suggested, "You know, I'm feeling particularly naughty tonight, Alice, wouldn't it be exciting if we traded partners just for the night?" This excited Alice so much, and as it turned out, Charlie and Dora were in a similar mood and heartily endorsed the idea.

The next morning, after a passionate night of lovemaking, Bob turned to his new partner and said, "Well, Charlie, that certainly was exciting. But best we get up and see how the girls are doing."

Monday, October 20, 2008

Friday's in Hell!

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil ...

Satan: 'Why so glum?'

Guy: 'What do you think? I'm in hell!'

Satan: 'Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?'

Guy: 'Sure, I love to drink.'

Satan: 'Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab and Fresca. We drink 'til we throw up and then we drink some more! And you don't have to worry about getting a hangover, because you're dead anyway.'

Guy: 'Gee that sounds great!'

Satan: 'You a smoker?'

Guy: 'You better believe it'

Satan: 'All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie, you're already dead, remember?'

Guy: 'Wow ... that's awesome!'

Satan: 'I bet you like to gamble.'

Guy: 'Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do.'

Satan: 'Good, 'cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn't matter, you're dead anyhow.'

Guy: 'Cool!'

Satan: 'What about drugs?'

Guy: 'Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean ...?'

Satan: 'That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You're dead so who cares.'

Guy: 'Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!'

Satan: 'You gay?'

Guy: 'No...'

Satan: 'Oooo, Fridays are gonna be tough ...

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Sound advice....

When I was moving into a shared house, first time away from my mum and dad's, my mate gave me same heartfelt advice - that you should never ever use shared cutlery.

Apparently he used to share a house with a guy who did the most humungous kaks that he fell into the habit of keeping a knife beside the crapper. He would simply chop up the 'mess' when finished, thereby needing to flush only once. However, when he moved out can only assume in a fit of honesty and anxious not to thieve any shared property...replaced the knife in the cutlery drawer along with the others...